In the past 10 or 12 years, I've been through quite a bit. I've lived. I've learned. I've loved. I've lost.
Sometimes, though, I don't lose. Instead, everything comes together and I get things right - and on those rare days I really do Know what I am Doing, and I am the best in the business.
The ass-bags at Cerberus, CLEARLY, have never had one of those days.
See, it is in these two pages here, that we see Cerberus' alarming lack of creativity and talent. Here, in pages 1 and 2, of the eagerly awaited "viability plan" that Cerberus' Chrysler hopes to present to this great nation's government as justification - as PLEA - for billions of taxpayer dollars to bankroll the company's continued existence, we can see the problem.
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
Blank.
That about sums it up, no?
Jalopnik's Ray Wert offered that the cover of Cerberus' presentation looked something like a high-school history report cover, circa 1997. I think he was being charitable.
See, in 1997 I was 19 years old, working for Mosler Automotive and generally screwing up my life with crazy debt, irresponsible spending, and other trappings of youth. I was also building websites, I was generating ad copy, I was processing photos, and I was completely Psyched about what I was doing. I was doing everything wrong, but I was Doing it ... and I was learning.
As before: I've grown since those days, but the most important thing I have learned is that success is a product of creativity, talent, and Hard work.
Cerberus, those stock-trading jagoffs who think "buy low, sell high" is somehow equivalent to "hard work", CLEARLY phoned this in. At no point, it seems, did anyone at Cerberus or Chrysler (from the copy boy on up to the CEO) even bother to even read this "viability plan" - arguably the single most important document in Chrysler's history. Arguably one of the most important documents in the great history and Rapidly approaching future of this troubled America.
If they read it, and let it out into the wild - then that is worse. THAT, friends, means that they saw the utter half-assery of the whole thing, the buffoonery and the stupidity, and simply let it slide.
In this, Cerberus has revealed themselves to be a bunch of chumps, fakes, and liars. Chumps, fakes, and liars that, it should be noted, want to continue to play CEO with other people's money, and who darkened the star that Lee himself made shine so bright when similar challenges faced him three decades ago.
May the "men" of Cerberus starve in a soup line, and rot in a particularly nasty and Wiggles-infested circle of Hell.
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