i write about wine | part vi

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HIGH FIDELITY

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Devout Christians claim to see the hand of God in all things, and - to these people - that sight is a comfort and a strength. I've heard them read off beautiful expositions expounding upon the Graceful hand that shaped each leaf, sprinkled every drop of dew, and I've seen them grow in strength and joy simply reading about their creator. These few, faithful people really do see God in the details - let's face it: ain't just anybody seein' Jesus in a tortilla.

I think it's safe to say that I am not a Christian. Not really. It's not what I am or what I am not that is relevant here, though - what is relevant, and what I feel makes me very like these hyper-religious people I just described, is that I see Lancias everywhere.

Take, for example, the Dodge Avenger rally project shown in the video, above. Jalopnik writer Justin Hyde said that this 300 hp car - built in conjunction with Fiat and Magneti Marelli - was "all dressed up with no place to go."

Really, Justin? Really!?

Take a look at this car. Look hard, and soak it in - but keep an open mind, too, because - unless you're as damaged as I am - I'll need to explain what it is you're looking at.

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THIS DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

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I submit, for your consideration, the following hypothesis: Justin (along with the boys at Autoblog) got it dead wrong.

See, the 300 hp rally-spec Dodge shown here is nothing but red-herring. It is a ruse. It is a diversion, if you will, which will allow Chrysler and Fiat to develop something novel, exciting, and inspiring in relative secrecy, by hiding it in plain sight. I am referring, of course, to a new Lancia HF.

:: remember to breathe, remember to breathe ::

There is very little in this world that is more exciting to me than the prospect of honest-to-goodness new Lancia arriving on US shores, and almost nothing that is more exciting to me than the prospect of a new HF.

Add the word "Integrale" to the end of that sentence and you can drop the "almost".

I believe, with the same religiastic Fervor that makes believers see the Virgin Mary in a grease stain, that the Dodge Stratus rally car that was making news today is a mule, proving that the platform can boogie in the dirt. The platform, by the way, which it shares with Chrysler's new 200. AKA the 2012 Lancia Flavia.

Lancia Flavia HF has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

With 300 hp on tap and sport-tuned, rally-bred suspension components managing the car's newly-refined chassis, a Flavia HF would go a long way towards building the Chrysler 200's cred as a Lancia worthy of carrying the shield and the flag... and Fiat would be mad not to move forward with the concept ... and I think someone at Fiat agrees.

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STEADY NOW

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I promise you: the Lancia Flavia HF will happen, and you'll be done seen 'bout ev'rything, when you see a elephant fly.

i write about wine | part v

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2012 CHRYSLER SEBRING LANCIA FLAVIA BERLINA

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This is the face of the new Lancia Flavia. It also happens to be the face of the new Chrysler 200, and I'm not sure what to make of that.

If you know me well enough, you know that I lust over Lancias the way most of my generation lusts after Lamborghinis or Ferarris.

Countach? Make mine an HF Integrale, thanks.

If you know me well enough, you also know that I've owned several Lancias, and I've looked back on 1982 (the last year Lancias were officially sold in the US) as a dark year. A tainted year.

Through the lenses of dozens of automotive photographers over the last 3 decades, however, I've watched the brand evolve. I've been mocked and teased by the Lancia gods time and time again. The Alfa 164 and Saab 9000 were almost Lancias, but not Lancias. I made do with my 1975 and 1981 Lancia Beta coupes, but what I wanted was a new Lancia - which is probably why I haven't been able to keep any other car for very long.

When the economy tanked in 2008, though, there was suddenly hope. Lancia's parent company (Fiat) absorbed Chrysler, and announced that it would merge the Lancia and Chrysler brands. It was fantastic news, and I held my breath to see what would happen next.

I didn't have to wait long to exhale, as Chrysler released their version of the storied Delta at the very next Detroit auto show. Sure, it said "Chrysler" on its rump, but it was an honest-to-goodness Lancia on US shores. I felt excited and vindicated.

This news of the Lancia Flavia's return after a near forty-year absence elicits quite the opposite response. The new Flavia is an honest-to-goodness Chrysler, but it says "Lancia" on its rump.

So, is it a Lancia?

The 200, by all accounts, is dynamically flawed. Have there ever been dynamically flawed Lancias? I don't know. In fact, this whole conversation of what makes a Lancia a Lancia and whether this Chrysler is "worthy" of carrying the Lancia shield is the exactly same sort of semantic exercise in metaphysics that I spent several years trying to avoid in college, so I won't let myself get sucked into it here.

What I will let myself get sucked into, however, is the question of whether or not the 200 is worthy to wear the Flavia badge.

This, dear reader, is a classic 1963 Lancia Flavia Berlina.

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MORE VLASSIC THAN CLASSIC

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I know. It looked better in my memory, too.

The Flavia is the "black sheep" of old Lancias, then. It doesn't encourage you to flog it, like a Fulvia. It doesn't beg to run free and fast over the open road, like an Aurelia. It doesn't buzz like an olympic swimming pool of pissed off honeybees, like an 037. It doesn't chew you up and spit you out, like a Stratos. The old Flavia doesn't do much, in fact, except fit four people and carry the same storied shield as its more romantic brothers ...

... which is exactly what the new Flavia will do.