the naked ape zombie carwash video

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THEY DROVE IN FOR A FEW COLD ONES

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I stumbled upon this gem during my daily zombie search (I have a daily zombie search), and it is awesome! Hordes of hot zombie women washing a car with their warm soapy zombie bodies and foaming at the mouth ... necrophilia hasn't looked this good since the last Twilight movie!

Enjoy!

more ekans than arbok

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THE TINIEST ASS YOU CAN TAP WITHOUT SETTING OFF AN AMBER ALERT

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That, dear friends, is a 5/8 scale Shelby 427 Cobra - a pint-sized replica of one of the nastiest, fire-breathingest, hairy-chestedest roadsters ever to lay rubber to tarmac.

The guys at Autoblog found this Kei-class kitcar in Japan, where tax laws make normal, 'murican-sized cars cost prohibitive to own and drive. This little number makes do with a 660 cc turbocharged Suzuki engine putting out almost 160 hp - more than enough to scoot past the odd Daihatsu Mira that might get in the way during Salaryman's soul-crushing morning commute.

Check out the rest of the post (along with a comprehensive photo gallery) here.

Enjoy!

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PS
If you don't know the difference between Ekans and Arbok, then how will you know what to yell when they're on your motherf***ing plane?

it was cold that day ... really

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eHARMONY 2.0

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Notorious comedy group Improv Everywhere struck the New York City subway system earlier this morning, planting thousands of bottomless adventurers onto a number of random subway trains to make a statement about ... I dunno, genitals?

Best part of the video?

Skip ahead to 0:25 in, when the guy asks everyone involved to "be as respectful as possible, and - you know - try not to rub your genitals on anyone."

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YOU CAN DISRESPECT THIS GUY ANYTIME

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Gotta hand it to 'em, Improv Everywhere knows how to throw a party.

dirty girls, clean cars

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TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK

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I once wrote that every website on the planet was somehow inferior to this one ... but since I stumbled upon this interactive (woot!) flash game from scenestealer, I'm not so sure.

Click on the link above to see what I mean ... be sure you have a few hours to kill.

i write about wine | part iii

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It's been over a week since Lancia officially released pictures and video of their new Martini Racing yacht - the Lancia di Lancia shown, above. I swooned over simple drawings of the thing, and now that it's here, I find myself - wait for it - at a loss for words.

This new Lancia is 43 feet of pure wet sexy, and it looks as enticing as the covers of Penthouse I'd seen behind the counter at the 7-11 when I was just a kid. I'd glance at them sideways, hoping I didn't draw too much attention to myself. I'd blush if I got "caught". I'd imagine what wonders await me inside.

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ODDLY RELEVANT.

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Luckily, I'm not 12 anymore, so I can just buy the damned thing if I'm so curious (the magazine, not the Lancia). Also lucky: they've provided me with video of it (the Lancia ... and the magazine, actually!).

Check it out for yourself, below.

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Photos from the guys at WorldCarFans, who "talked me down" when the video hit.

Thanks, guys!

angry green girls

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"Helloooooo."

For those of you who haven't yet watched the good Reverend Charles' debut video, go ahead and watch it now. We'll wait.

Everyone who HAS seen it, though, can probably guess that Charlie's crazy-eye face down there sent me into such peels of laughter that writing just about anything seemed nigh impossible. Something, then, must have snapped me out of it - but what?

This.

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That, dear friends, is Angry Green Girl's "Shameless Hybrid Bikini Carwash", wherein several of LA's hottest greeniacs stripped away any excess coverings and lathered up any lucky hybrid car that happened by ...

and, brother, did they happen by!

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The story was picked up by Jalopnik, Autoblog, and others, but doesn't do much to really explain the Angry Green Girl cause. I've reached out with a few questions, however, and if I hear back you'll be the first to know.

In the meantime, head on over to Jalopnik's bikini carwash photo gallery for more Angry Green Girl fun in the LA sun.

it's rough out there | detroit dub show

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Man! It is getting ROUGH out there!

You just KNOW the economy is blowing out the bottom of the sh*tter when THESE THREE MONSTERS can get work as models at a DUB show.

Maybe I'm spoiled, but when you can't even buy ass ... YIKES, brother! That's all I'm sayin'.

CLICK HERE to see the rest of the worst.

danica is a naughty girl

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The guys at Jalopnik just posted this great SI swimsuit spread of every pre-pubescent boy's favorite racecar driver and PR wet dream Danica Patrick, shown here getting frisky with a (presumably fake) Shelby Cobra.

Why do I assume the Cobra is a fake? Just a hunch: see, Danica's a hot girl, but I can't see anyone letting this little hooker screw up the paint and ding up the thin aluminum on one of ol' Shel's priceless classics, you know?

You know.

CLICK HERE for the full gallery.

cycling + pole dancing

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That's right - some entrepreneurial young mind (?) has combined the sweaty exercise of cycling with the erotic sweatiness of pole-dancing.

It's called a PoleRider, and I like it.

Did I day "like"? I meant LOVE! I love Love LOVE this idea! It's sort of a sex-heavy, neon rickshaw, and I can't quite believe I haven't seen more of these turning heads in and around Coconut Grove, South Beach, Key West, Orlando (Whitney! Get off that thing!), etc.

Just. F***ing. Brilliant.

If you want me to make this thing profitable for you, let me know.

bikini driving school: season finale

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It's almost hard to believe, but the Bikini Model Driving School is wrapping up its first season (who knew the internet even HAD seasons!?). Even if you're not a fan of the genre (Frankie), you'll have to admit the season-ending show is a great match-up, with Import model Akira Lane facing off against myMB fan favorite Alicia Whitten (above).

The force is strong with the Benz, but (sadly) Miss Whitten can't drive for sh*t.

Oh, well ...

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CLICK HERE for the video.

last carwash of summer

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The gramatically-challenged (but always interesting) automotive blog TopSpeed has just posted what they're calling the last sexy carwash pics of the summer.

I've posted some of my favorites, CLICK HERE for the original post and photo gallery.

Enjoy!

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bizarre seat ad

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I don't quite how a bunch of beach-volleyball Amazons bouncing up and down to an old Johnny Cash song "ties in" with Volkswagen's Spanish Seat brand of cars ... but I don't seem to mind watching them bounce up and down, either!

Maybe it's some kind of Latin mind-control?

Must ... buy ... Seat!

bikini driving school

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Just a bunch of aunts and cars - pretty simple concept. CLICK HERE to visit the site (plenty of pics and videos).

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Overheard ...
Reader 1: Aunts? What does he mean, 'aunts'?
Reader 2: I'm pretty sure that was a typo.
Reader 1: But what did he mean to- oh.
Reader 2: Yeah.
Reader 1: That's pretty crude.
Reader 2: Yeah. It is.

best. carwash. ever.

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Damn. If I owned a carwash, I would spend ridiculous sums of money (that I'd quickly make back!) to make sure it looked EXACTLY like these shots from the Christ Wash Systems 2008/09 calendar.

I posted April, if only out of some misplaced sense of loyalty to my birth-month and the fact that my Real Favorite (Oktober) seems a bit too racy (borderline NSFW).

CLICK HERE to see what a carwash looks like in heaven.

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NOTE TO MILITANT ISLAMICS:
there's not 72 of them, and these girls probably haven't been virgins since they were 12, so don't get your hopes up.