jesus died lol

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I LIKE WHEN THEY CALL HIM A JEW

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This video captures exactly everything that is wrong with the world these days - and I'm not referring to the kid with the "Jesus Died LOL" gamer tag.

No, sirormadameasthecasemaybe! I am referring, instead, to the "Christians" who have taken it upon themselves to correct young Jesus Died LOL's behavior. Did they pray for Jesus Died LOL? Did they pray for his soul and for his deliverance? No, actually. The "Christians" were too busy playing their game (which, to wit, involved graphic virtual murders taking place every few seconds) to pray for young Jesus Died LOL's soul.

Heck, that's forgivable.

After all, these modern-day "Christians" might have felt like Jesus Died LOL was persecuting them, and might have also simply forgotten that Jesus had - according to verses from the Gospel of Matthew 5:43-45, and from the Gospel of Luke 6:28 - directed them to pray for those who persecuted them.

Sure, it's easy for me to forgive Jesus Died LOL (he made me laugh - and that's all it takes in my book), but he's not insulting My Lord and Savior. Surely the "Christians" have some leeway here, right? Right!

I mean, I think they have some wiggle room - but they don't. Not according to that pesky little rascal, Jesus (Homer) Christ, anyway (check out Mark 11:25, where Jesus directs his followers to forgive those who do wrong ... and I'm not even going to get started on that whole "throw no stones" bit).

SO, what we have here is a young troll who has brought to light that ugly little truth of modern "Christianity": that many (far too many) so called "Christians" are nothing but frightened, violent, bigoted, narrow-minded, hypocritical, closet-case, pigfuckers [citation needed].

One last little parting note for the believers up there, before I step down from the soapbox. It is from the Gospel of Matthew, and is a quote attributed to Jesus, himself, which goes (according to the NKJV) "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." which many scholars have taken to mean that the thought of a sin, the planning of a sin, the fantasy of a sin, is - in itself - the commission of that sin ...

... how many people did you kill playing that game? Seemed pretty real, didn't it? You thought about how you were going to kill the next guy over the next hill?

Sure you did.

See you in Hell, Christfags.

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NOTE:

It should, perhaps, be noted that "Christfags" is not a term applied to all Christians, or even all "Christians", but specifically applied to those Christfags who use Bible quotes out of their intended context (and without regard to their intended audience, I should add) and use said quotes to push their agenda of hate, bigotry, discrimination, and fear ... that is evil, in the worst possible sense of the word.

If you're still not getting it, watch this episode of South Park, and you'll get the idea.

sergio lives

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BETTER THAN IT LOOKS ...

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I read about it. I watch movies about it. I tell stories about it. Hell, I have whole friendships that are based on it. There is no question, then: I love Formula 1.

Formula 1 is a huge part of my life. On some days, I even imagine that it embodies the very essence of competition, ingenuity, and bravery. Early in those pre-dawn mornings, watching the races live on BBC, I can even convince myself that Formula 1 is the physical manifestation of man's highest ideals ...

... that's before the coffee kicks in and I come to my senses, of course. Formula 1 is just a show, after all; but it is one hell of a show - and the stars of the show, guys like Fernando Alonso and Kamui Kobayashi, are my heroes. Recently, I've added another name to my list of favorites: Sergio Perez.

This Saturday at Monaco, Perez was in a horrific crash that saw his Sauber slap into the safety barriers at terrifying speeds.

Watching it live, I was sure he was dead.

Watch it yourself - how would you like to go through this?

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... IT WOULD HAVE TO BE

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Sergio Perez, of course, did not die. Perez lived, suffering only a minor concussion and a few sprains - which is awesome, because I've been through a lot these past few weeks, and I don't think I could have handled that.

So, in a rare expression of gratitude, I'm going to thank the cosmos for keeping one of my guys alive.

Awesome stuff, universe. Thank you.

open your eyes to awesome (video)

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ROCKY VI WOULD HAVE BEEN AMAZING

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Alex Metric and Steve Angello have put together a hilarious/fantasmic mashup of Robocop and Rocky, complete with so-classic-it's-cliche Rocky-style training montage. It's 3 minutes and 17 seconds of awesome, and well worth watching if you're a fan of either franchise ... and possibly if you're a fan of Alex Metric and Steve Angello.

I found this on: I Heart Chaos.

how to make jive

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SUBTITLES FTW

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Airplane! is arguably the funniest movie ever made. It was racist, lewd, insensitive, and the script was sprinkled liberally with pedophile jokes. It proves, however, the old comedy maxim that you can get away with anything if the audience laughs.

The video above is an excerpt from the a "making of" video about "the Jive scene", which is without a doubt my favorite scene from the movie ... or, it was. Now I like the "making of" bit better. The funny starts at 0:45.

the hawt new thunder (cats video)

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THE FAN FIC WILL BE FULL OF KITTY PR0N

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First shown at last weekend's Wondercon, this is the first trailer for the upcoming Thundercats reboot, which looks to be on-par with the 2002 MOTU re-launch ... which is to say: pretty freakin' awesome.

I'll be looking forward to the new show, and will probably do another "Awesome 80's Childhood" post about it in the next few days ... you know, for the poor bastards who grew up later and/or weren't allowed to watch cartoons.

Stay tuned!

restore my faith in humanity

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VAN GOES HERE

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These, dear friends, are the Shondes, and they are the best band in the world.

Despite this, their van was recently stolen, essentially rendering the band immobile and unable to get on the road, tour, play shows, and generally preventing the band from coming to Chicago.

So, yeah: major problem.

Luckily, this is the twenty-first century, and we have the internet to help us do things like overthrow despots, tell the world about Mike's Legos, and help people who deserve help get back on the road.

CLICK HERE to check out the Shondes' Kickstarter project, give what you can, and restore my faith in good things happening to good people.

godzilla v. mecha-lambo

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IT IS PRONOUNCED GHEY-ARE-DOE

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Earlier this week, a few enthusiasts rented out South Florida's excellent PBIR to run a few friendly "grudge match" drag races. Among the attendees were one crisp, white Switzer R900 GTR and one screaming yellow, twin-turbo Gallardo.

Let me give you a quick rundown of the video: the cars line up, the lights turn green, and they go.

If you've been following the exploits of the Switzer-tuned GTR Nissans over the last few years, you already know who wins.

darkwing love

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PLAY IT LOUD

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One of the perks of regularly checking in on Topless Robot is that sometimes (not often) they go beyond the merely dorky and fun and find some little corner of the web that is chock-full of chicken-fried awesome.

Such is the case with the short video above.

Sung by Joanne Ryan (?) this, without a doubt, is the best acoustic rendition of the Darkwing Duck theme song you've ever heard. That sound at the end? According to Topless Robot, that's the sound of thousands of nerds instantly falling in love with her.

Enjoy!

magic plastic mushrooms

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THIS PLASTIC IS GREAT WITH TABASCO

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My recently-acquired Facebook friend Becky Streipe recently posted this excellent article and video (from TED2010) on her GreenUPGRADER blog, and it is simply mind blowing.

Enjoy!

tell it like it is

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AS GOOD AS SUCKERS

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Finally, a car commercial that tells it like it really is. Excepting the Dacia, this scene plays itself out in showrooms across America every day.

Once again, many thanks to the boys at Jalopnik for posting this gem.

1990 mercedes c11

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CLASSIC SICKNESS

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Every once in a great while, I like to have a profound philosophical insight that changes the way I think about the world and how I see my place in it. In today's insight, however, it was perhaps the way I see Speedriven's place in the world that's changed.

That said, I won't share exactly what that insight was; but I will hint at it.

Watch and learn.

iskelmaprinssi ftmfw

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THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK CANNOT PRONOUNCE ITS NAME

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You've got to hand it to the guys at Jalopnik. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year they keep finding the most goofy awesome automotive videos on the interwebs ... and this video, with its inexplicable "action" cut at 0:35, is no exception.

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INEXPLICABLE ACTION

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I have no idea what the video is supposed to be showing us, other than the obvious: a bunch of German microcars engaged in some kind of dirt-track death race to the tune of an all-banjo soundtrack.

Going a step beyond the obvious, however, Jalopnik seems to have made sense of the film, claiming that the movie's synopsis - when run through Google - translates to the following:

Earth has rotated so many times around the sun that has reached the early 1960s. Martin, Blue, Rami and Bambi elelevät sand pits cut through the mass of a country village haaveineen. Martin would like a career musician, Blue to build a career in fashion models in Helsinki , Rami miss working Bambilla rally star and future plans are still open. Between the monitored luihun pop boss, the movie "bad guy", attempts to find new lead singer promises...Young people can not agree, however, to focus on kuhinointiin can breathe, as the rally Ramin dreams of kingship to be tuned ajokaluaan victory Bambi wants to get in shape and out of small rural village surroundings. He has a good singing voice, which she wins the popular song contest. But the organizer of the competition starts to harass Bambia car's back seat and the girl's pop star dreams of flowing tears in the sand.

The world kinda makes sense a little more sense now, doesn't it?

You're welcome.

new-for 2011 mclaren slr (video)

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WHAT IS OLD IS NEW AGAIN

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That's right, kids - there is a new-for-2011 SLR McLaren!

Redesigned with a more sculpted nose and swoopy-er flanks to look more like its kid brother (the unfortunately named McLaren MP4 12C), the new SLR carries on with the 626 hp. 5.5 L supercharged V8 from the previous 722, but features some new aero and suspension tricks from the 722GT project.

I haven't seen any performance numbers, yet, but with production limited to just 25 units and honest-to-goodness McLaren badges, all I can say is "make mine orange".

louisa makes it beautiful

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ANGRRY

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If I had a list of people I know who should be rich and famous, The Shondes' Louisa Rachel Solomon would be at the top of it, since no one else is really still pushing the kind of Riot Grrl punk that made me really fall for music back in the 90's.

Which reminds me: danke, Mike!

This is Louisa, in action.

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PUNK + VIOLIN = EPIC EPICOCITY

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That video is from The Shondes' national tour earlier this year, and - no matter how dark and cold and windy it gets in Chicago, and no matter how much harder some things are than I thought they'd be, and no matter how much I worry and fret and fuss - Solomon's shiver-inducing voice and The Shondes' "Heavens to Betsy + a political message + violins + actual talent" formula always gets my head back where it should be.

Press "play" up there, and enjoy.

speedriven | texas mile video

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LOOKIN' GOOD

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DSM Videos just posted this clip of 2 (out of 3) of the Speedriven SL600s lining up in Goliad just before cracking 190 mph (not bad for the windy conditions, but still a bit shy of the stated 200 mph goal). Good stuff, still, and a great underhood comparison of the Speedriven top-mounted intercoolers on stock and upgraded turbos.

Enjoy!

cornzilla takes it to 11 9

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GREEN AND MEAN

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Over on the Switzer blog last week, I wrote about the how a Switzer R1K set the mph-in-a-1/4-mile record ... but the R1K wasn't the only high-powered Switzer GTR in attendance at Norwalk - Switzer's eco-conscious E900 GTR Nissan showed up to play, too (minus Amuse wing).

I've been a big fan of Cornzilla since the idea first started dancing in our heads last year, and big corn did not disappoint. The E900 blasted across the 1/4 mile mark at over 144 mph in just 9.8 seconds!

Video, below.

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CORN > WHATEVER THE HELL IS IN A PRIUS

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I'm not sure what the overall 1/4 mile records for et and mph on E85 are, but if Switzer's E900 isn't the fastest corn-burning GTR PKG available, it can't be too far off.

peel is back

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SEX A PEEL = BAD TAGLINE FOR NEW P50 AD

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Built on the Isle of Man in the 1960’s and powered by a 49cc gas engine, the Peel P50 had a 40 mph top speed and delivered more than 80 mpg. It was the smallest production automobile ever built, and is just darling!

I want one. Steve wants one. You want one, too.

You can read more about the resurrection of the P50 over at Gas 2.0.

gay zombie porn banned in australia

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BRAAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS!! ALSO SEX

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Today's zombie news is about something many Americans consider to be innate: a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness hot, gay, zombie sex.

LA Zombie is a gay, alien, and slightly pornographic zombie film by Bruce LaBruce, which gained a bit of notoriety when it was banned by the Melbourne International Film Festival last month.

Initially, this got me thinking about Americans' rights to free expression, along with rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and my initial reaction went something like "If it makes those Aussies happy to watch gay zombie porn, let'em watch it!" ... then I read the synopsis (courtesy of wikipedia).

A homeless schizophrenic (François Sagat), thinks he's an alien zombie sent to earth. Roaming the streets of Los Angeles in search of dead bodies (either finding the bodies or witnessing a murder), trying to bring the dead back to life by engaging in homosexual sex.

... and that is just the tip of the iceberg!

The problems Australia's "decency police" seem to have with the film spring from all the fatal wound penetration, necrophilia, full frontal nudity, etc. taking place on a 40' tall screen (in stunning HD!).

So, yeah ... not much to defend there, but I'm too busy thinking about hot zombie actors with scalp tattoos to care. LA Zombie Hardcore is slated to come out after Halloween - see you at the premier!!

cornzilla v. widowmaker

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CHUCK NORRIS v. MR. ROGERS

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This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, Tym Switzer-style. Witness: 900+ hp R911S GT2 Porsche v. 900+ hp E900 GTR Nissan (somewhere in Mexico, of course).

It doesn't get much better than this, kids. Enjoy!

serenity now

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LLOYD BRAWN SOLD THREE COMPUTERS TODAY

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This one is definitely a Mike, and for every Seinfeld fan out there who appreciates a good video/genre mash-up.

Enjoy!