tell it like it is

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AS GOOD AS SUCKERS

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Finally, a car commercial that tells it like it really is. Excepting the Dacia, this scene plays itself out in showrooms across America every day.

Once again, many thanks to the boys at Jalopnik for posting this gem.

iskelmaprinssi ftmfw

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THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK CANNOT PRONOUNCE ITS NAME

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You've got to hand it to the guys at Jalopnik. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year they keep finding the most goofy awesome automotive videos on the interwebs ... and this video, with its inexplicable "action" cut at 0:35, is no exception.

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INEXPLICABLE ACTION

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I have no idea what the video is supposed to be showing us, other than the obvious: a bunch of German microcars engaged in some kind of dirt-track death race to the tune of an all-banjo soundtrack.

Going a step beyond the obvious, however, Jalopnik seems to have made sense of the film, claiming that the movie's synopsis - when run through Google - translates to the following:

Earth has rotated so many times around the sun that has reached the early 1960s. Martin, Blue, Rami and Bambi elelevät sand pits cut through the mass of a country village haaveineen. Martin would like a career musician, Blue to build a career in fashion models in Helsinki , Rami miss working Bambilla rally star and future plans are still open. Between the monitored luihun pop boss, the movie "bad guy", attempts to find new lead singer promises...Young people can not agree, however, to focus on kuhinointiin can breathe, as the rally Ramin dreams of kingship to be tuned ajokaluaan victory Bambi wants to get in shape and out of small rural village surroundings. He has a good singing voice, which she wins the popular song contest. But the organizer of the competition starts to harass Bambia car's back seat and the girl's pop star dreams of flowing tears in the sand.

The world kinda makes sense a little more sense now, doesn't it?

You're welcome.

a new hope

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BLUE IS SO MY COLOR

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Any day that starts off with a new Lancia is a good day, but a day that starts out with a new pad, a surprisingly competent McBarista, and a reason to wake up in the morning a new Lancia Stratos is certainly one for the books.

I won't lie, I've been going through a lot these last few months. Some good, of course, but mostly digging myself from one rut into another ... but Lancia Stratos' have (historically) proven to be especially good at getting from rut to rut in record time. This new Stratos prototype was caught testing around Fiat's corporate proving grounds, and (being powered, potentially, by a Multi-air version of Fiatsler's new Phoenix V6 engine) might prove to be the quickest Lancia yet!

I'll definitely be revisiting this new Lancia soon, I hope. For now, though, I'll have to be happy just looking at the pretty picture and watching some historic Stratos racing footage. Thanks to Ray Wert and the guys at Jalopnik for making my day.

sunshine supertank

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LUCKIEST GRANDKIDS EVER

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A 40% scale Sherman tank is probably the most awesome tank in the tank pantheon (tankatheon?). Think about it: a mini-tank is practical, cute, and so easy to make that it only took five videos to record its construction ... really, you should already have one.

The auto-obsessed crew at Jalopnik posted the DIY tank videos yesterday, and it seems like there are quite a few of these tanks actually cruising around out there.

I'm making a Hello Kitty version ...

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I WANT A HELLO KITTY BATTLE MECH NEXT

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... because I can.

more beige

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Today's post about the brain-dead simple new Smart Cables from Michelin reminded me of my buddy Matt Hardigree's excellent Beige Bites Back series on Jalopnik.

I find myself torn on the issue of beige-ness. On the one hand, there is a strong business case for building the sort of mildly invisible / ruthlessly efficient appliances that the market demands in quantity. On the other, you find cars that require knowledge, attention, and (one might say) a bit of work to really get them down the road.

This principle applies to computers, cameras, and espresso machines, as well as cars. Some are fairly automatic, and easy to use for even the most lay of laymen, while others require a more informed touch - lest, something like this happen.

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DO YOU CONNECT THE "+" TO THE "-" OR THE "+" TO THE "+"

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I'm not really sure where any of this is going (still), but I don't think anyone else does, either.

That said, it may be that the future really does belong to the Soma addicts Prius drivers and iPad buyers, but I like to think there will still be some room for those people who like to tamp their own espresso on a copper-and-brass La San Marco, boot into Linux on a Sony PS3, and tune an orchestra of carburetors by ear ... but maybe there won't be.

If not that, maybe I'll be able to sip my Mc'Spresso and text about the good 'ol days while my automobot drives me to work in the mornings. That would be nice, too.

the didorosi adventures | part i

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"Didorosi," I hear you ask, "what the heck is that!?"

"Didorosi" is a Jalopnik and Hell for Leather writer I had the pleasure of meeting a few weeks ago during our frigid Beaverun/Switzer GTR trackday adventure (covered by Andy HERE, and me HERE). We ate at Oberlin's FEVE and mapped out a daring (?), tequila-fueled raid on the US-Mexico border towns over stinky tots, greasy burgers, and waitress Liz - and the Lord looked down upon our little table there at the Feve, and saw that it was good.

Now, though, Andy's earned himself a few more points - by driving a freakin' Ducati through a shopping mall!

Sure, it's probably all trick photography and long-exposure shots, but that shopgirl (below) seems perilously close to Andy's junk - and THAT, dear readers, is what riding a Ducati is all about.

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Oh, yes!

the beaver says 6 more weeks of winter

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Last week, on the drive home from seeing Hobbes and Yuly in Chicago, I was caught in my very first honest-to-goodness crazy snowfall somewhere near Notagaoddamnthing, Indiana. The mighty Routan and I pushed through the weather, barely in time to meet up with Andy and Kyle and deliver them to Beaverun Motorsports Park, where they would be driving Tym Switzer's latest.

After a few dozen "beaver" jokes (Ha! Beaver!), it was time to get down to business and drive the Cars.

Just then: snow. The stuff had followed me all the way from Lake Forest, IL and would not quit - but, did that stop the Jalopniks from storming down the front straight like a million-pound shithammer?

No. No, it did not.

Hats off to JR (aka "JTR") for being such a good sport and letting us drive his P800 in such rotten luck weather. Nerves of Steel, that one.

In the end, we had a good time hanging out with those guys, and don't want to take any more away from them (even if they won't let me drown them in a Fiesta), so click on one of the pics, or just CLICK HERE for the original article and hi-res photo gallery.

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NOTE:

There were other cars at "the Beave" that day - oh, yes! You'll have to wait until May to find out what it were.

Also, I pilfered the latest Sunshine banner (above) from Andy's EXCELLENT in-car photo gallery. Great shots, man. Really.

seriously, i can't do any better than this

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Ha-ha. HA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

These are pictures from Jalopnik's "troll of the week" column. I've seen my fair share of trolls out there in forum-land, but this is far and away the funniest thing I have ever seen posted on any automotive forum. Evah.

CLICK HERE to read the post.

Hats off to Ben. Enjoy!

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HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE POST

Alright, after reading a ton of threads on welding up gears for extra traction, i went ahead and welded mine up ... now my driveline is twisted up like a damn pretzel.

You are all a bunch of shit talkin Jerks.

absolutely mental bug

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Anyone who's been paying attention knows what a big fan I am of the Jalopnik guys - but Didorosi just kicked it up a notch with this little gem.

Figured it out, yet?

That's right - it's a turbocharged, V8-powered, FRONT-engined VW Beetle. (!)

Oh, the place we'll go ... CLICK HERE for the original article.

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i starts trendz

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A few weeks ago, Brabus introduced a "tuned" version of Tesla's roadster. I won't go into too many details here (Jalopnik had some good coverage HERE), but the short version is this: as far as Brabus is concerned, LEDs + snazzy space-sounds = high-dollar tuner car.

I responded, unofficially (of course!) with THIS (photo, below).

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THEN, World Car Fans writer Zack Newmark posts THIS (photo, below)!

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No shout-outs. No reference to the horsepower wars. Nothing.

Don't get me wrong - I'm a big fan of WCF (and Zack, for that matter), and would love to have one of Khan's RR Sports in my driveway ... I just think there should be credit where credit is due.

Also: KHAAAAAAN!!

renntech for c63

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That's Yann taking pictures of the new RENNTECH C63 AMG - the very latest 548 hp monster to claw out of here.

As I was telling Yann, the thing that absolutely Makes the C63 is that, while it was always fast, it is now an absolute Hooligan of a car, begging and teasing, and coaxing you to drop the hammer and get it sideways in a fit of crazy, tire-smoking glory.

CLICK HERE to read Jalopnik's article and view the photo gallery.

make a left at the what now?

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I got nothin' ... but it sure looks like fun!

CLICK HERE for the original Jalopnik article.

fear and loathing in ontario (ontario?)

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I miss Hunter Thompson. He was one of the Great writers of any age, and as a Man, HST ranked right up there with Teddy Roosevelt and that guy what karate'd the bear.

As an HST True Believer, I enjoy just about every reference to his Highness that I come across (ha! drug jokes!!), and I absolutely REVEL in the zany antics of his imitators ... even the ones who may have never heard of him!

Enter, then, Mr. James Boppre.

Not be confused with either "the Big Bopper" or "the Mad Canuck" Dave Ross, this Waterloo, Ontario whack-job broke all the rules of his house arrest (oh yeah, he was on house arrest!) when he went for a late-night drive late last month.

Most obviously, HE LEFT HIS HOUSE. Less obviously "wrong", perhaps, Boppre was arrested after crashing into a parked car. At the time of the accident, Boppre was speeding, drunk, high (on crack ... CRACK!), NAKED, and MASTURBATING!!

If THAT wasn't enough to get this guy an award for multi-tasking, the Big Boppre (now that I think about it: why not?) also had a NAKED MASTURBATING HOOKER IN THE CAR WITH HIM!!!

There is no emoticon ...

"And what," you may ask "does any of this have to do with fast cars and South Florida?"

I found the story on Jalopnik.

Those guys are the best.

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CLICK HERE for the original article.